I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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