Already got asked if we're dating
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
