There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
