Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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