I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
