Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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