bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
