Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
