At least make sure they are 18
Why
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
