That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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