There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
