put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
