If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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