I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
