My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
