The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
