So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So apparently I’m into choking now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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