Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
