I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
