11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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