I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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