What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
