That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
