You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
