I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She needs sedatives and a leash
Randomize
