Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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