once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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