When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
