never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
