do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
