wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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