His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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