A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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