Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
