What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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