I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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