farters have to be the big spoon...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
is it fun? or sober?
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