I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
