she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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