I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
