I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
