I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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