i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
