I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize