It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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