I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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