I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
