hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize