Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
