Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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