Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
