Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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