My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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