I wish my penis had an off switch
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
