I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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