Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
