We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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