im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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