It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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