From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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