also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
foreskin is a definite game changer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
