Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
