Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He did a backflip because drugs
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