No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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