google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
