Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
