Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
smell my finger.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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