i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just want nice things and good sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
