I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
