paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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