nut hugger
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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