honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
