Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I die, sorry about rent.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
