dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize