You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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