I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
